Bad Day

My students hated me today. I feel bad for having to leave such an unruly class for Mrs. D to have to round up and tame. But at least I know that they're scared of her. Today was really bad. I didn't have a backup plan in case the movie didn't work. Mrs. D had to lecture the class.

I'm just trying to get through tomorrow. Then I'll be working ALL of Thanksgiving break on this stuff.

4th and last observation

My last observation was today. I was so anxious last night that I barely slept. The lesson was a good one. My supervisor comments on my well-planned lessons every time, which is a good boost.
She's said that I've improved a lot since the first observation. I hope she can see how hard I'm trying.

But she did mention that, when I do get my own classroom, that if I don't establish structure and procedure, that I would go home with a headache every day. The class should know what is expected of them as soon as they walk into the classroom. She said that it was too late to try to establish that structure because there was already an established culture of the classroom.

I do feel like a failure in this regard. I feel like I did start to establish a routine with the daybooks. Every day, the students were to come in and get their daybooks and write down the class agenda and memos. It was something resembling a procedure, and the students got used to it quickly, but I hadn't thought about everything I was going to do with them, such as how often I would collect them and grade them, what I wanted the entries to look like, how many points I would assign to them, etc.

I never seem to give enough thought to anything, especially the procedure. I always seem to work at the last minute this semester, and even when I seclude myself in my room for a weekend, I still can't seem to get everything done that I want to get done. I'm aware I'm beating myself up over this, but I NEED to chide myself for this, otherwise it will become a pattern and I will be a miserable, ineffective teacher.

And as much as I appreciate it, it doesn't do me any good when people tell me that I'll be fine, and that they know I'll be a great teacher. I need to work towards that; it doesn't just happen by itself. Why can't I work as fast as everyone else?

I'm assigning the culminating activity for the Julius Caesar unit tomorrow. My time as a student teacher is almost done. I wish I could feel content and proud of my experience, but there is just so much that I wish I could go back and fix! Can I please have a redo? I want to have sat down and planned out exactly how I wanted the class to be from the very first day onward. I want to have started planning my unit earlier. The list goes on and on. I hope my cooperating teacher isn't disappointed with the classroom culture that I've left her with in 6th hour. I hope she doesn't feel like she has to fix it when I'm gone.

I have a lot to research and reflect upon between now and the first day of my first job.

Getting there.

I'm teaching four out of the five periods today. I'm also having my final evaluation. I want to leave a lasting impression. I could barely sleep last night because I was so anxious.

Let's hope this works!

Friday was a good day. Mrs. D was out and there was a substitute, but the day went smoothly. It's amazing how threatening to give extra homework can whip a class into shape. The three English AP classes watched a movie, and I presented a Powerpoint in Health class. Then we read the rest of Act III, Scene 1 in English 10. The class started out strong and got silly as time went on. But the writing prompt at the beginning got the class talking about revenge and punishment, eventually tying it back to the character Antony in Julius Caesar.

Another student teacher and I have volunteered to coach the dance team, which is going to be really fun, but it's also going to take up time I could be working on lessons and what not. I'm going to try not to take up too much time with it, at least until I'm done with my unit.

I passed my certification test! So now all I have to do is finish out this unit and then I can start working to find a job! Maybe Teach for America?

Still not caught up.

I worked all weekend and I'm still not caught up. I locked myself away in my room and only left to go to a two-hour dance show to see my roommate. I'm late on rent, my room's a mess, and I've been chugging caffeine and energy drinks.

The most important lesson I'm learning is about planning. Planning is essential. Everything needs to be thoroughly examined and thought of ahead of time.

I miss my school days. I miss the days where I could just soak up the information willingly. I love history classes and literature classes. I can't wait until I have time to study these more on my own time. I can't wait until I'm a wiser, more effective teacher!

At least I know that there's no way to go but up.

Time to get my butt in gear.

That's what my supervisor so kindly implied to me today. And she's right. I need to stop procrastinating and start setting little goals for myself. I'm so unproductive after sitting in a classroom all day. But if I really work hard the next four weeks, I'll end my student teaching stronger than I started.

A metaphor that my supervisor said to me today: How do you eat an elephant? Bite by bite. I have to see my big projects as series' of little tasks. It will be easier for me to attain my goals that way. Tonight's bites off the elephant:
-intro questions for study guide
-act III of study guide
-brainstorm stuff for unit analysis and rationale longhand
-organize unit analysis ideas
-type it out and send it to supervisor
-all of monday, tuesday planned.